8 Practices of an Intentional Parent

For the past several weeks, I've been pondering about what kind of parent I should be.  About what kind of parent God wants me to be.  I began thinking about this here.

There are millions of really great things that we can do as parents, but nobody can do everything.  I'll never be perfect, and mistakes are a given - even from this list.

But these are the things that I think are most important in our household.  To us, as parents, and to our kids.  So far, these practices are calling our names, and so we're going to work to be intentional in these areas specifically.

1.  Listen to your kids.  Kids love to tell stories, to share news about their day, to give you reports on their stuffed animals and other friends, and to provide flash updates on boo-boos and other items of severe importance.  It can be hard to give those things full attention sometimes, especially when we're together all day.  Sometimes I just want to say, "I know that."  Or to keep my eyes - and my thoughts - on what I was doing prior to the interruption.  But they don't want my half-hearted attempts, and if I don't prove the value of their news now, how can I expect them to share with me when they're older and life brings them bigger challenges?

2.  Start the day off right.  I want to teach my kids the value of spending quiet time with God, but they'll know if I'm saying it and not doing it.  My daughter started reading her Bible on her own a few years ago because she came and sat with me on the couch at the end of my study time each morning, and she wanted "to be like Mommy."  She now has deeper reasons for her own quiet time, and those will continue to grow as she does, but I need to set a good example.

3.  Read scripture together.  We've begun to read the Bible together at breakfast each morning.  This provides a great opportunity for listening to God's word together, spoken aloud, and discussing it.  

4.  Make God an integral part of the day.  God doesn't exist in a vacuum.  He created the world and everything in it, and talking about that in a natural way invites God into our day.  We make a point to talk about exciting things that we see in nature and to talk about how God might have made them.  When the sunset is particularly vibrant, we might say, "God painted a beautiful sunset tonight!" Or when we watch an animal move, we wonder how creative God must be to make so many different animals.  

5.  Pray together.  This is the hardest one for me.  I'm not used to praying out loud with anybody, but the kids like to pray together, and I think it's important that we do so and have the bond that only prayer can create.

6.  Date your kids.  I love spending time as a whole family, and I'm thankful that God lets me stay home with them each day.  We enjoy our time together, but there's also something special about having one-on-one time.  Each child is always especially excited when we head out on a date, and I enjoy being able to do their favorite things just with them.  This is also a great way to teach them how to handle themselves when they're out and about and on a date.  Someday the time to date/court will arrive, and it will be smoother for all of us if we've practiced and set expectations for proper behavior.  Should our daughter expect to be treated with respect and chivalrous behavior?  Should she be kind, polite, and attentive?  Yes and yes.  Should our son be respectful and protective of his date, being a kind, chivalrous escort?  Yes.  Those are expectations we can build now, and we can have fun doing it.

7.  Discuss the world around you.  I want to protect my children from the craziness of the world all around them.  It's fallen, and evidence of that is everywhere.   Keeping them from all knowledge of the many ways in which we've messed up God's creation will only cause them to be in shock when their bubble finally bursts - and it doesn't allow them to be used by God as a force for good.  How can they help feed the homeless if they don't know that homeless people exist - or how many of them there are?  How easily could someone trick them into taking a drug if they aren't aware of the severe drug problem in our country?  Making them aware of these issues as they're developmentally and emotionally ready to handle them is important.  We're not going to bash the people around us, but we can make them aware of these issues in small ways, talking through them whenever they need, so that they can learn how to make wise decisions as teens and adults.  Perhaps someday they'll be able to make a difference in these areas!

8.  Make time for conversation.  Sometimes I get impatient with talking.  It's not my favorite thing, and a mom's to-do list is always so long that I have trouble focusing on conversations that don't feel important to me at the time.  Selfish, right?  I know.  But just like I need to listen to what my kids want to share with me, we also need to make time to talk things through.  Scripture.  The news.  What happened at their school events and field trips that day.  We need to talk through things, not just to discuss big world issues, but to teach them how to think things through and how to analyze things.  That movie we watched, the one that was different than the book we read?  Why was it different?  Why did the producers change the plot from that of the book when it's been popular for more than 50 years?  What message are they trying to send?  What do they want you to think/feel/say/buy?  What does the Bible have to say about this issue?  I think that we're going to be doing a bit less doing and a bit more talking in the months to come.

Our kids are still fairly young.  I'm sure I'll be adding to this list as they grow, but for now, this will get us started.  

What would you add?

Could Prophecy Change Your Parenting Style?

 
Every year we watch The Nativity Story on December 23rd, and this year was no exception.  This time, the scene on the beach, where Joseph and Mary talk about how they'll parent baby Jesus after his birth struck me.  

In the movie, Joseph asks Mary, "Will I be able to teach Him anything?"  Mary looks back as if she doesn't really know, and it made me think about what a big task was ahead of them.  About how much they really didn't know about the coming baby - and about how much they did.  They knew he would survive birth - which was always a question in those days.  They knew that He would be special.  That God would take care of Him.  That while He would be different, He would garner attention at some point in His life, but that it would be okay.  He was destined to become the King of Kings, after all.

All of this pondering brought me back to Joseph's question.  Will we be able to teach them anything?  We're not raising the Savior of the world, but ... what if we are raising someone unusually special?  What if we are teaching the next Billy Graham or Michael W. Smith or Darlene Schech?  What if our child is to be the mother of the next Kirk Cameron?  

Would we parent differently?

Just as the movie Joseph didn't know in what way Jesus' special beginnings would manifest itself, we don't know how God plans to use our children - but He does.  Whether they become famous authors or teachers or diligently teach the next generation all about God's faithfulness, He will use them.  Every single one.

Does that type of prophecy - or lack thereof - change your parenting style?

It has made me determined to live this year more intentionally than ever.  To be sure to be reading and studying, both on my own and with my children.  To be praying for them and with them.  To dream big dreams and pray big prayers - not that they would become rich or famous or have easy, comfortable lives, but that they would be strong and courageous and honest and useful to their God.  

Those prayers are scary to me.  God doesn't think the way that we do, and He's willing to push past all of our boundaries to accomplish His purposes.

But really, would I want my kids living anywhere other than in the center of God's will, scary or not?

No.

So I'll continue to dream those dreams and pray those prayers and teach them the best way that I can.

How will you be parenting in 2014?

Why Your Kid Should {Aboslutely} Go To Church Camp

 

When I was in elementary school we went to a small - and I mean small - church.  Most Sundays there were about 35 people there, and so my family became pretty involved in many aspects of our church life.  Being so involved as a kid has made a big difference in the way that I view church involvement as an adult.

But there was one thing that the congregation did that changed my life forever:  they sent me to church camp.

That group of mostly-older people offered to pay part of the registration fee for any kid who wanted to go to camp.  I had already been to 4-H camp and absolutely loved it, and so it seemed to me that MORE camp could only be a great thing.  I signed up.

As the time for camp approached, I got nervous.  After all, I had "grown up" hearing stories of my dad's 4-H camp days, but I was pretty sure that church camp would be inherently different.  After all, I doubted that we'd get so messy or be quite as crazy as we 4-Hers tended to be, so ... what would we do?  Would we sit around and contemplate scripture all day?

Which, in turn, made me think about scripture.  By the time that my family dropped me off at Camp Penn, I was full of questions, but I left knowing Who had the answers.

Why did my week at Camp Penn change me so much?  Why does every kid need to visit church camp?

1.  I met Jesus at Camp Penn.  Yes, it may sound stereotypical, but He was waiting for me in the chapel pew on the last night of camp.  From Bible studies to team building activities with a spiritual twist, to making my own dinner over the campfire and being part of the "Camp Penn Choir," He was infused in every activity that we did.  That was a new experience for me, and a wonderful one - and it just might be a game-changer for your kids, too.  At the very least, as a friend of mine says, "You can't have too much Jesus."

2.  The counselors have a fresh perspective.  The counselors at camp may have explained things the very same way as my parents and Sunday School teachers, but for some reason, I was listening differently.  It was "cool" to talk about God at camp.  People were explaining things in different ways than I'd ever heard before - because I had never met these people before.  Their stories were new, their testimonies were new, and I paid attention.  The same is true for other kids - because it IS something that they haven't heard before, they'll listen to it in a different way.

3.  Jesus went camping, too.  Sounds crazy, but if you look at the Gospels, Jesus regularly retreated from the crowds for a quiet time to pray, be with friends, and fish.  Sounds a lot like church camp, right?  While church campers may not pray for hours upon end the way that we know Jesus could, there will be intense opportunities for spiritual growth and fabulous lessons planned by the camp chaplains and counselors.  We all benefit from a break from routine for rest, spiritual renewal, and time with friends, and that's true for your kids, too.

4.  They have to leave sometime.  One of our tasks as parents is to prepare our children to be independent, responsible adults, able to follow God wherever He leads them.  That means that at some point, they have to leave us, and they'll probably need to start doing that before they turn 18.  Church camp is a great way to help them build basic independence.  While they'll be entrusted to counselors, you won't be the one helping them get somewhere on time or reminding them to brush their teeth.  They need to step up for that, and it's an experience you can't replicate at home.  

So, there you go.  Four reasons why your kids should absolutely go to church camp this summer.  Have you been to church camp?  What would you add?

Inspired Wednesday - There's a New Chef in the Nest

There's a new chef in our Nest.

My Big Helper finally had a chance to make dinner for the family last week.  Although she's been baking with me for years, she's mostly stirred, measured, or mixed - she's never attempted to work near anything hot or sharp.

She was both excited and apprehensive about this endeavor, but I knew she was ready - and that she could do it.

She chose to make a Mexican-style meal:  to cook dried beans to use in refried beans, taco meat, and to put a salad alongside it.

She picked through the beans and got them started in the Crock Pot, ...

and then hours later cooked and seasoned the meat.

She finished up the beans and made the salad, even chopping the carrots with a knife all by herself (with me standing beside her, of course).

My Big Helper thoroughly enjoyed the fruits of her labor.  She decided that she made the best tacos ever, and even went so far as to ask if we could have them again the next night for dinner.

Isn't it amazing how much our perspective changes when we have a vested interest in the outcome?

She did do a great job with dinner, and it was fun to watch her work.  Seeing her stop outside of her comfort zone and stretch her wings definitely gave me a proud mommy moment, although it was bittersweet - because she is growing up too, too fast.

But I have a wonderful Big Helper.  I'm looking forward to many more cooking sessions, just the two of us.

What has given you a proud mommy moment lately?

Last week Susan at Homeschool with Love shared a guest post about ways to involve your children in abstract art - and ways to teach them about famous artists, too!  To find out more, visit Homeschool with Love - and Susan, please visit our Inspired Wednesday page and take the "I was featured on Washed Up Inspired Wednesdays' button back with you.  

Be sure to check out Stephanie's Inspired Wednesday post over at The Multi Taskin' Mom!

<center> <a href="http://anestintherocks.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="A Nest in the Rocks" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih_9UXxvpHihP2_LX14wtPFiUPHRfXtxSHNJodSzTZt0lgD04c9FszjMkaqaez4_hN2Up8YHkAmCaJGRSlhH6e1lEmHKSX4QdlcQAsCFRHjHRbg6S30CYSoJpTfnFA2o55xEhOj-_hEihC/s1600/Button+2.jpg" imageanchor=""/></a></center>
 

An InLinkz Link-up

Lunch Box Love

My Big Helper is a lot like her daddy - she loves words.  Compliments really motivate her and make her feel loved, and since that is not my love language, I am intentional about making sure she gets the positive words that she needs.  

Since she's in public school and away from us for hours each day, I started looking for ways to encourage her while she's in school and surrounded by attitudes that may not always be positive.  I decided that her lunch box would make a great vessel for carrying words that she's sure to see each day.

Besides actually packing fun foods, foods that she particularly likes, and surprise lunches for her, these are our favorite forms of lunch box love:

1.  Word Searches.  On a smallish sheet of paper - or a blank notecard, as shown below - I use colored pens and markers to make up a word search.  On this one, since summer is approaching, I used summery, fun words.  I start by imagining a grid and then writing in the words I want her to find.  As I write down each one, I also write the word at the top for her to cross off when she finds it.  I add a short note to the front and back of the folded card -  and maybe some stickers - and tuck it into her lunch box with a fun pen or pencil.  

My Big Helper was super excited about this the first time I did it and told me later that she and her friends hunted for the words together.  She now asks for word searches on a regular basis!

2.  Top Five Quizzes  My Big Helper isn't old enough for any of those silly magazine quizzes that are so popular, but giggling groups of girls always love to take them - and mine isn't any different.  Instead of ways to catch a boy or the best shade of lip gloss, though, I make my own quizzes using fun colored pens, stickers, and rubber stamps on note cards like above.  I ask things like, "What's your favorite book?" or "Rank your best lunches from 1-5" and "Tell me the best thing about your day so far."  I keep the questions short and am sure to do both multiple choice and open answer questions so that she can freely answer without being overwhelmed.  With no more than 5 questions, she has time to answer and time to think about the answers, and again, she and her friends deliberate it together.  She always writes notes to me on the back and returns it to me when she gets home.

I've found out some neat things about my girl this way.  For example, we tend to eat the same thing for lunch most days.  That works for her brother and I, but like her daddy, she prefers a bit more variety - and even wants to try new foods in her lunchbox!  While this makes it more challenging for me to pack, she has more fun at lunch, and I enjoy talking about her new lunchbox experiences with her.  She's found a few new favorites this way.

3.  Banana Peel Love  Who knew you could carve in banana peels?  I've never seen that medium in a museum - but it works great.  Just take a toothpick or a really sharp, thin-bladed knife and carve right into your banana peel, trying not to go the whole way through.  It won't look any different right away, but by the time that lunch rolls around, the air will react with the peel and turn the carved edges brown - making your message of love and inspiration stand out.  The first time I did this, My Big Helper was so excited that she was determined to save the banana peel and brought it home to show me!

We've definitely enjoyed our more creative lunch box notes this year.  In fact, this banana peel isn't the only one that My Big Helper has tried to save - she's kept each one in a special place and is determined to turn them into a book this summer so that she can remember them.

Who knew that a few colorful words could be so important?

Do you do something to make your child's lunch box experience special?  I'd love some new ideas!

What to Read?

My kids are both bookworms.

They love to read.  Neither will leave the house without a handful of books in tow - and if it's a trip of any length, then they pack a bagful.

I love this characteristic.  I love that they're curious, they love the written word, they get lost in stories of imaginary times and lands and people.  They read to gain information, to learn how things work, to figure out their world, to add to their storehouse of knowledge.

But all of that reading takes a lot of books, and while one of them happily reads the same books about the same topics over and over, accepting that new books on these topics are limited, the other frets and pushes the limits.

She doesn't want to read the same books time and again.  She wants to be challenged with new material, new words, new terms and concepts.

So I hunt, searching for books suitable for both her age and reading level, trying to find mysteries and humor and children being creative but being children.  I search for books with characters who are kind, mature, problem-solving, and for authors who write with flowing prose and strong vocabularies.

That's hard.  There are lots of kiddie chapter book series out there, but many of them have a watered-down vocabulary and name-calling characters.  She can read harder books, but many of them contain information for which she is too young.

I don't expect her to read Moby Dick, and fluffy books make great entertainment; but even fluffy books can be of good quality.


So my search continues.  I currently have stacks of kiddie books to read before her but would love to find something more difficult, something that makes her think and takes longer than 30 minutes to read.

What about you?  Do you read books before passing them off to your children?  What are their favorite books/authors??