"The Wishing Tree" by Marybeth Whalen

Ivy Marshall isn't having a good day.  She's just discovered that her husband is having an affair on the very same day that her oh-so-perfect sister receives a romantic proposal - on national television.  Running home to Sunset Beach, home to her high school years and former fiance, will Ivy pick up where she left off with her handsome fiance, or will she attempt to work things out with her husband?

The Wishing Tree is an emotional landmine of  past issues, present pains, and unresolved futures.  It presents a realistic look at how our choices and our relationships affect the path that our lives take.

Ivy made for an interesting lead character.  It was difficult for me to relate to her at first - every time I thought I had her figured out she would surprise me all over again!  Not all of these surprises were happy ones, however.  Although I understand that Ivy's actions were usually a result of past pain, seeing her toy with her former fiance's affections was frustrating.  This quick turn from one man to another made Ivy feel flaky to me, yet I thought that the questions she was working through were real and authentic.  

That was the best part of this story.  Ivy began the story at odds with nearly her entire family, and so Ivy had many relationships to mend and come to terms with, especially on top of the trouble with her marriage.  Throughout the course of the story Ivy began to see her actions in terms of faith and to choose right and not just what felt good.    These steps toward maturity added great depth and planted me firmly on Ivy's side.

Put The Wishing Tree in your beach bag and get ready for a roller coaster ride through love, marriage, and finding your way back to faith.

I received a free copy of The Wishing Tree from Marybeth Whalen in exchange for an honest review.

Part 2: Ways to Encourage your Husband with Words

My husband loves affirmation.  He basks in the glow of happy words that let him know that his actions have been appreciated.

I'm a touchy-feely girl.  I'd much rather give or receive a hug than a compliment.

What does that mean?  Sometimes I have to work at showing respect and appreciation to my husband.

Not because I don't want to;  as I said yesterday, he's incredible.  It's just that my natural way of showing my love is not his favorite way of receiving it.  Since I want him to be happy to receive it, I have to speak his language.

I've found a few things that help us out:

• Writing one thing on our daily kitchen calendar that I appreciate about him that day shows him the things I often forget to say.  After a few days of doing this, my husband was walking in the door and heading for the calendar to see if I'd written anything for that day yet - or to check out what I wrote for the day before.  He seemed to get a kick out of the little things I appreciated, like "helped bath the kids tonight" or "unloaded the dishwasher" (I hate that job!).
• One year for Christmas I typed up a list of all the things I love about him, printed it, cut it apart, and glued them to one of those funny daily calendars.  I found it surprisingly easy to think of 365 great things about my husband.  He never got into flipping the page every day, but for a few months, when he was having a crazy day, I'd find him sitting on our bed, reading through his calendar.  
• I try to compliment my husband to my children.  Our children are also both wordy people, and they talk often about what other people have going on.  They might say something like, "The bushes are gone from the flowerbed."  That gives me the chance to say, "Daddy's been working really hard to take the bushes out so that we can redo the flowerbed and plant new flowers.  Isn't he strong?"  I try to make these compliments whether he's around or not - whenever the opportunity arises - but he says that he likes it when I recognize his efforts to our children.  I think he should:  they need to know what a great daddy they have!
• Surprising him with words is one of my favorites.  It's a bit easier for me to do, although it takes some planning, and the kids and I get a kick out of doing this together.  Once I got a can of peanuts - his favorite - and opened the plastic lid.  On the foil seal underneath I wrote with a Sharpie, "We're just a couple of nuts!"  We left the can on his car seat while he was at work, so he found it after leaving for the day.  He said that he got a good laugh out of it, and he kept that can in the car for a long time.  Other times we'll drop by with a glass of his favorite iced tea with a note written on the cup or a candy bar with a message taped to it.  

These are the things I've found so far that work for us.  I'm always up for new ideas, though.

How do you show respect to and encourage your husband??

Sticky Situations

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.   ~Ephesians 4:29

When my husband and I got married, we determined to say only positive things about each other to other people.  My husband is naturally good at this - I had to work on it a bit.

While I love him very much, at first I found it too easy to be caught up in someone else's complaint.  Anything said in sympathy, even if not meant to be negative, sounded negative.  I've had to work at these types of conversation - and still do.

What keeps coming to my attention, though, is interrupted stories.  I like stories.  My friends like stories.  Even with family, we tell stories - but we get interrupted.  Then a story that began with how I wanted things one way but he had a different idea - and his idea turned out to be so much better - ends up sounding as if I'm irritated and we fought.  Completely not the case.

I never seem to notice how awful these things sound until later.  I don't intend for it to be this way; my goal is to show what a good planner and smart man he is, but I'm afraid that it doesn't come out that way.

So, for now, I have a new goal:  no more my-husband-is-so-smart stories.  I just don't seem to tell them very well.

Instead, I'm concentrating on straight-up compliments.  Not a strong suit of mine, especially to or about adults, but my husband thrives on them.  They are totally his love language.


So, to start us out on the right foot, here are a few:

My husband is very strong!  (I couldn't resist!  :-)  )

He happily indulged my desire for pictures of Creation on our Creeper Trail ride and explored this area of the river with me.  He even pointed it out.

I love his adventurous, daring spirit!

He protected me from the snake - and then watched out for more the rest of the day.

He's very generous.  He took me out to a restaurant I've been wanting to try, sat outside in the heat with me to watch the Bulls' play, and even bought an appetizer - my favorite part of a meal!

Need I say more??  ;-)

Is anybody with me?  Anybody else determined, not only to avoid negative words about your husbands, but to avoid potentially sticky situations;  ready to commit flat-out to all positive, encouraging statements ONLY, whether to your husband, your friends, in his earshot or out of it?

If we want our men to lead us as a family, we must let them know that they have our full support, love, and respect.  I want to commit to that fully. 


Are you with me?